M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
