you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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