My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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