and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
