I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
