i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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