I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
