I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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