I'm drive I can fine osifer
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
