After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
