dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
