so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
