apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
