i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
