i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
