Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
