i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
