Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
