He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
