I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
