I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
