Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
