My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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