Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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