did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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