Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
