The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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