wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
