oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
