thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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