Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
