i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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