my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
