you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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