just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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