Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
