Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
