it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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