the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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