I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
