I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
