Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
