Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sarcasm needs its own font
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
