I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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