When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
