I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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