i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
