you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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