$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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