ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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